How does one put themselves first anyway?

"Do you have any tattoos?" was not a question I expected to be asked in the Psych ER. But there I was--curled up on what Plato would refer to as a couch that's not ideal, with one of my friends next to me--so unprepared for the question that followed: "Do you have a boyfriend? Because [...]

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I’m having a flashback right now, a trigger warning.

The coolness of the bathroom floor, a stark contrast to the sweaty guys surrounding me. We had been like this for fifteen minutes: me, lying on the ground, clothes askew; them, forcing their way into me, on me, around me. 10 hands tracing my body, forcing their way inside. I remember the way it felt: [...]

Maybe home is more than just a place

Six months ago, I never thought I'd find myself here--in a room with white colored walls and a stippled ceiling, a place to call my own. "There's no place like home." Dorothy once said, as she tapped her ruby slippers Together one by one. "Home is where the heart is," They all say as if [...]

I challenged her to write a post in which she doesn’t mention her past (stolen from my old blog)

I forgave myself today, kneeling at the altar. You can't move forward if you're angry at the past-- angry at yourself for things that are not your fault, for relapses you could've controlled if you had just. . . just . . . re  a   c  h  e   d   out, for relationships you purposefully sabotaged [...]

Letter to a suicide note

I found you tonight, tucked away amongst books I haven't read in years but love too much to throw away. I'm getting ready to move, packing books in suitcases and clothes in boxes because I can't stay here forever. I can't stay here forever: trapped in the past--but I can't move forward until I move [...]

Apartment hunting in the age of depression

How does one even make a budget, I texted to my friend, a mixture of panic and frustration washing over me. Like, I know I need to move out, but I just don't know how. I don't know how to even begin apartment hunting, and besides. I have a crockpot and a mattress. Life has [...]

Time is a construct and emotions are fleeting: On New Year’s Resolutions

I'm not going to stop you from crying. Tears are good, healthy, a sign of healing, my therapist told me yesterday, as I sobbed across from him, unpacking the last sixteen years of my life. This is the missing piece, he continued, tears in his eyes, I've been trying to figure out why you have such a hard time [...]

How trauma helped me find my words

The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence.- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar Growing up, I was always told to use my words, but every time I opened my mouth, I was afraid the earth was going to swallow me whole. I was afraid of people telling me no--no, [...]

How loving a dog with anxiety taught me to love myself

I have anxiety, but I don't go around licking things excessively. Unlike my dog, who constantly has her tongue out, as if her nervousness will follow the rules of entropy and move out into the room. I rescued a dog a few months ago. She has anxiety. She takes a while to warm up to [...]

New Beginnings Amidst the Search for Perfection

Prozac and faith--What do they have in common? They both keep me going. I was struggling to come up with the perfect first blog post for this new site, but then I realized that this is not what this site is about. It's not about perfection or having it all together; it's about the real, [...]